is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
