is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
