Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
