My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
