then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
