He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Randomize
