she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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