I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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