A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
