the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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