i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
