i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
