my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
