Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
