She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
