so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
