She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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