the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
