so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
