so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
