a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
