nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
