Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Randomize
