I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
