I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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