GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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