while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
