talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
