told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
