So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
