she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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