Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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