Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
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Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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