It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Welp...herpes.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
