And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
