and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
