I just cut my nipple shaving
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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