I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
