sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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