also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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