I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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