I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Houston, we have a blender
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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