at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
