last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
