This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
