I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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