watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
