my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
