We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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