Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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