my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
