So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
