Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
