so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
