yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
please come you make the beer taste better
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
