i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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