I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
