Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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