And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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