dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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