I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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