My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Less talking, more tequila
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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