It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
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Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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