sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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