look no pants
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Drake has all the answers
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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