Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
