I puked a lego.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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