this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
